3rd chemo down...

I had my third chemo treatment on Thursday, and it has been really rough on me...so I am going to keep this entry short. I have felt more sick to my stomach and nauseous than the other two rounds, exhausted, and my esophagus has been burning horribly when I eat almost anything that is not "bland," which has caused me to stay awake most of last night in pain that I have never experienced before...not fun. Now I don't want to use this blog as a way of just complaining about how horrible all of this is, but I do want to show the reality of everything that I am experiencing...the best that I can. 

I do realize how much worse my situation and side effects could be, so for that I am VERY fortunate, and am trying to remain optimistic through all of this. The good thing is, I now have another chemo down...and just 5 more to go! 


Thank you SO SO SO much to everyone for all of the great support! I would not be able to get through any of this without all of you helping me through it. It is amazing just how many great people I have surrounding me and wishing me well. I am so appreciative of that!!!

Here are some pictures from my 3rd chemo treatment. I had my mom and dad with me :) 

My dad getting comfy while waiting in the chair across from me :)

Waiting to get pumped full of yucky drugs

My dad and I :)

This is the time I normally catch up on my celeb gossip :)

My mom and I :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hair today...gone tomorrow

Well for those of you who do not already know...I mustered up enough courage and shaved my head last night. Saying it was a hard decision would be an understatement. In the matter of just a couple of days, my hair had started falling out like crazy! To the point where I was getting quite annoyed by it. I would simply touch my hair and there would be a large amount that was coming out...and my shower drain was even beginning to clog. I know that I said hair does not define a person...and I am not going back on what I said, but it does change the way I feel as a woman...just not quite as feminine, and that part has been tough to deal with. As a girl, hair is just my "thing!" I would take hair vitamins to make it grow longer and would wear hair extensions to make it more "full" when going out for a special event. To go from that, to having cancer and losing my hair from chemo, and then being bald all in the matter of just a couple of months, is a little bit hard for me to swallow. 

I am glad that I shaved it though, it made me feel more in "control" of the situation. I had thought about just waiting until most of my hair was gone on it's own before shaving it, but I was already very emotional and upset about seeing it fall out to begin with, so I knew that would be a bad idea. If it is true what I have heard, and the hair falling out is a good sign that chemo is working, than for that I am very happy and am willing to accept my hair loss and new "baldness" as an assurance that I am happily on my way to being cancer free! 

It is so crazy how all of this is happening. Sometimes I find myself in disbelief when I really sit and think about it. The other night while sitting down at the dinner table with my mom and sister, it just came to me and I blurted out "Why does all of this have to happen to me?!" "What did I do that was so wrong to deserve this?!" Of course there is no way that anyone can answer that, but it just sort of came out of my mouth and I got that panicky feeling that I still cannot believe that I am now a cancer patient in the middle of chemotherapy treatment! Life is just so unpredictable. 

Maybe one of these blog posts, I will post a full "face pic" of my new "hairdo," but for now I am still getting used to it, and am quite startled when walking by a mirror or see my reflection anywhere. I have been wearing a beanie hat around the house and to sleep...I sure took advantage of the warmth and insulation that hair provides, my head is now freezing without some sort of cover on it.

My sister and brother-in-law did the "honors" last night and shaved my head for me, here are a couple of random pics of that...

I did not post the pictures of my face because I was crying and very emotional with red, tear-filled eyes...but at least with these, you all have an idea of what my new "hairdo" looks like. 
The plus side of being bald; I will be saving so much money (and time) now! No more getting my hair done, buying my expensive shampoos/conditioners, and other styling products. Only organic baby shampoo for me. 

Chemo #2....

I received my second chemo treatment on Thursday, and this one has definitely been harder than the first, both physically and emotionally. I have felt way more exhausted and weak, and experienced a lot of nausea...luckily I haven't thrown up, but the nausea feeling itself is pretty horrible. I have to take a steroid drug for 2 days after each chemo, and that makes me feel extremely restless even though every ounce of my body is exhausted and wants to rest, it's the worst feeling. I have also experienced the tingly hands and red cheeks again with this round. And my sense of smell is so strong, it's crazy. Luckily I've had no mouth sores, which people often experience during chemo.

And although I said I was looking forward to seeing my hair fall out, since that is a good sign that the chemo is actually working and killing cells...when I actually experienced it yesterday in the shower, I kind of freaked out a bit. It was a lot more emotional than I thought. I know it's just hair and it WILL grow back, but it is scary to actually experience it shedding. There was not a lot of hair coming out, but I noticed when washing my hair that it easily came right out of my head and into my hand. Everyone kept telling me that I knew it was going to happen, but it still doesn't make it any easier to deal with no matter how much you try and prepare yourself. Today I noticed even more hair in the shower, so I will soon be taking control of the situation and shaving it off.


I am happy that I now have 2 chemo treatments down, and just 6 more to go! I am now that much closer to being cancer free and healthy. None of this has been or is easy to deal with, but for now I just have to go through each step and do what I have to, in order to be well again.