White blood cell count...

I had my first blood draw today since starting chemo...not fun at all since the person drawing it had such a hard time getting a good vein. He poked at my right arm with no luck and finally got a good amount of blood from my left arm. I better get used to that because I will have to continue to get my blood drawn every time I get chemo (about 24-48 hours prior) so that my Doctor can see how all of my blood counts look, etc. It is normal during chemo for people's white blood cell count to go down below normal, which is why I have to be careful not to be around any sick people, and be extra cautious around large crowds, touching public doors, etc. Our white blood cells are what protect us from infectious disease and other nasty junk. I was told not to get any pedicures during chemo since I am more prone to getting infection...total bummer since I love treating myself to one every now and then :(

Basically at 25 years old, I have to be protected like a newborn baby would be. They can give you a shot to boost your white blood cell count, and I am not sure whether I will need one when I do my second chemo tomorrow or not...we shall see tomorrow. I have already gotten my results back from my blood draw today and I find it interesting that before starting chemo, my white blood cell count was 7.9 K/uL, the standard range is 3.5-12.5 K/uL, so I was pretty much right in the middle and now after just one chemo, my WBC count is 3.0 K/uL. It is lower than standard, so I will definitely not be going anywhere near a large crowd anytime soon...no Costco on a Saturday or Target on a Sunday for me! :) I will have to be extra cautious now. 

I was told if my white blood cell count gets too low (not sure what that exact number is) that they will postpone chemo by a week or so until they can get it back up...I want to avoid that since that would mean a longer treatment time. So I am hoping that they stay high enough before each treatment for me to at least still get the chemo right on schedule every two weeks as planned...fingers crossed!

Update...

I just wanted to post a little update with some very good news that I got from my bone marrow biopsy...it is CLEAR! No bone marrow involvement, which is great news! If there had been, this would have changed my staging and treatment plan, likely prolonging it. 

Other than that, everything else is pretty much the same as last post. Major fatigue, weakness, and soreness. Slightly new side effects like my teeth and gums are very sensitive and tender. I have had to switch from my electric toothbrush to a soft bristle toothbrush, and am using Sensodyne toothpaste. Also, I have had some horrible pain in my neck and shoulder, which can be a side effect of chemo. My appetite has been a little different. I will crave something that I would normally want, and then when I go to eat it, I find it undesirable. Weird. But for the most part, I have not had a major change in appetite. I have been trying to eat/drink a ton more protein then I normally would, since I was told that it is very important to load up on protein during chemo. 

My hair is still here...I have read and heard so many times that the hair loss part represents the chemo actually working and doing it's job...killing cells. So now I am really looking forward to seeing some fall out...who would have thought?! I have read that it will take a few weeks from the first treatment.

And the sensitive, irritated skin issue I was having last week, I have seemed to resolve (for the most part) with Aveeno products! They work great! I have used the Aveeno soothing bath treatment (oatmeal), and the daily moisturizing lotion. For my face, my sister hooked me up with some awesome Image Skincare products! I have been using their Ormedic line, since it is all organic ingredients...it seems to make a difference in my skin and the way it looks, which is great. My next chemo is already next week (March 31st)...a little nervous about this second one, but all I can do is try and prepare the best I can for it. 

SO this is what fatigue feels like....

It has been a few days since my first treatment, and up until today I actually felt pretty good considering what I am going through. I've been exhausted but restless, and just felt slightly off kilter...but no nausea or vomiting, so I can't really complain too much. I was warned plenty of times that I would feel "fatigued," but I truly had NO idea what that meant until experiencing it firsthand today. I am embarrassed for ever misusing that word and saying that I felt "fatigued" before this, because I had absolutely no idea what that felt like until now. I must say, that it is such a crippling feeling to all of a sudden be hit with the sudden urge of having to sit or lay down right then, no exceptions. I felt like all of my energy was just zapped completely out of me, or that I was hit by a train...not fun at all. This first chemo dose has been "tolerable," I am just nervous for what the next one has in store for me. It seems that each day has been different with slightly new side effects. On Saturday, I noticed that my cheeks are super pink and flushed...they are still like that, and my skin is extremely more sensitive. Now the fatigue has started...

Today was actually the first day that I was completely pissed off at having Hodgkin's! I have been extremely devastated about it, and very emotional over the whole thing, just in shock...but today I just felt angry that my entire life is put on hold right now while everyone else gets to move forward. I am not trying to have a pity party, because I know that I will get through it and be able to move on with my life after getting over this hurdle...I just feel helpless right now, and I hate the feeling. I am so used to my routine of going to work, and school, studying, then heading over to my boyfriend's house and grabbing dinner, and now I am forced to lay in bed while dealing with pink flushed cheeks and fatigue! 

The one thing that has definitely helped me embrace this whole thing, and I highly recommend for anyone going through anything similar to what I am, is having some sort of party! On Saturday, my wonderful sister and amazing friend Jill threw me a "Hat/Wig Donation/F*** Hodgkin's Party," and it was such a fun time with great friends, and really took my mind off of things. I was terrified that I would be too sick to go after my first chemo, but everything fell into place and was perfect. It is absolutely amazing how many people have offered such amazing support throughout all of this! I am so appreciative of that. It really is the BEST feeling in the world to know how many great people you have by your side at a time like this. This is definitely a time when somebody finds out who their "true friends" are...and I am ecstatic to have so many! :) 


                     The cake pretty much says it all :)

Here are some pics from my party on Saturday! Thank you so much again to my sister and Jill for throwing such an amazing party! I had a blast! :)     

Day after first chemo....

I know that it is still early, so I do not want to jinx anything...but so far, I am feeling better than I ever expected to after my first treatment. After updating my blog yesterday evening, I felt pretty sleepy, so I just hung out in bed for the rest of the night and was sure to drink a lot of water. I was not feeling very hungry, so my sister brought me over a Jamba Juice...she is such a sweet sister...the BEST, I am SO thankful for her!! 
And I am also SO appreciative to have my mom who slept next to me last night to check my breathing EVERY hour and make sure that I had no fever developing from the Bleomycin...YES I am 25 years old and my mom slept with me checking on me like I was a newborn baby all night, LOL :) It is very convenient to have a nurse as a mom :) 
I was able to sleep with no problems, until about 3am when I woke up with the feeling that my hands were numb and tingly. It was very uncomfortable, and is still feeling that way now, but I put on a pair of warm gloves and it actually seems to help out. Other than that side effect, I have not felt sick...and hopefully will not for this first round...I know it is still early, but I am trying to be positive. I have noticed that my energy level is down a lot, and that I am feeling really weak when I went downstairs to get more water...which I am sure is to be expected. I'll take that over nausea and vomiting any day!!!
Keep those positive thoughts and prayers coming my way please! They are definitely helping, and I am SO thankful for all of them! :)

Here are some pictures of me getting my first chemo treatment yesterday...they are definitely no glamour shots, but here they are anyway:)

Just arrived and nervously waiting in the recliner for the chemo drugs to be ready...they don't put them together until the patient arrives so none get wasted. I had just been given a dose of Zofran and Decadron (which helps with the nausea/vomiting). The bandages on my upper chest are from the incisions from my port surgery that I had just had put in the day before this.

 

 

 

 

My wonderful nurse Julie and I, she is administering the Adriamycin (the red stuff) through my port in my chest...which causes hair loss and most of the other unpleasant side effects.

My mom and I...we are just missing my dad in this pic, I will be sure to make him take one with me next time :) I am so thankful to have such loving parents, they have been so supportive and have been with me every step of the way! I don't know what I would do without them! I love you guys so much!

First Chemo Treatment...

I am going to try and just be quick with this entry since I literally just got home from receiving my first chemo treatment today. I had no idea what to expect, but receiving the actual chemo drugs was not that bad of an experience overall. There is a room filled with other people who are there for their treatments as well. I had my mom and dad with me, and we walked to a little area which had a recliner chair for me to rest in...it was pretty comfy, I was offered a heated blanket and something to drink while my nurse (who was extremely nice!) prepped me by first giving me some Zofran and Decadron to help with nausea/vomiting. I was then given 2 Tylenol to take before they administered the chemo, since the Bleomycin can often cause a fever. I am so thankful that I have the port, it seemed to make things so much easier. The nurse punctured the outside of my skin with a needle (at my upper chest area) where the port was placed, that allowed her to administer the chemo drugs to me very easily and mostly pain free...I am just tender and sore from just having the port put in yesterday. The total process took over 3 hours, but time seemed to go by fast. I was first given the Adriamycin, this is the drug that can cause the hair loss and also causes the color of your urine to change to a pinkish color (this is just temporary). Then was the Bleomycin, after was the Vinblastine, and finally the one that took the longest to administer, the DTIC. 

I have not really felt any side effects yet, just feeling pretty sleepy and like I need to lay down. I was told that if nausea is going to happen, it would be later tonight or tomorrow...so I am keeping my fingers crossed that I get to skip that part of it! :) I will be sure to update in a few days and will be able to really tell what kind of side effects I experience....which are hopefully very few! :) 

Bone Marrow Biopsy...

Today I had my bone marrow biopsy...this is something that I had been dreading more than the chemo itself to be honest. I barely got any sleep last night, from 3:00 a.m. on I lay awake in my bed filled with anxiety/panic attacks because of all of the horror stories that I have heard of the bone marrow biopsy. I dreadfully awoke this morning and got ready for my appointment. And since I am all about honesty in my blog posts...I admit that I took a Xanax...or two :) just about 30 minutes prior to my appointment, and thank god for that, because it finally calmed most of my anxiety that I was having over this dreadful biopsy.

I arrived just on time to my appointment, and was called back to the exam room where I nervously sat waiting for the Doctor. After running several minutes late, him and his nurse came into the exam room, they told me to lay flat on my stomach, he then put iodine on my left lower back (near my hip) to clean the area well, then in that same area, he injected it several times with Lidocaine to numb the area, this felt like being stung by a bee about 5 times. I of course was not seeing any of that...thankfully :) 

My mom was in the same room with me and was able to watch (she's a nurse, so none of that bothers her). The Doctor then took a 6 inch needle and injected the Lidocaine even deeper. Then came the painful/pressure part! He took what my mom described as a "meat thermometer" looking tool that one would use to cook with, and stuck that in my left lower back and proceeded to "syringe" out the bone marrow. Sorry to gross anyone out!! I wish I could say that I was a champ, and did not mind the excruciating feeling of "pressure," but I slightly broke down like a baby, and cried. I am SO thankful for my mom who was there with me, right by my side to comfort me...that helped more than anything. The whole thing probably only took 5-10 minutes, but it seemed like hours for me. 


After that, they cleaned the area and bandaged it up, then sent me on my way. I am extremely sore, to say the least. It is not intolerable, just not very comfortable either. After finishing that up, I went home for a couple of hours and then had to go back again for a lung function test to make sure that my lungs are strong enough for a certain chemo drug that I will be receiving...the Bleomycin. I finished that test and now have no other appointments today...thankfully :)


I will be having my portacath surgically put in tomorrow morning at 10:00 a.m. This goes directly under my skin and a catheter connects the port to a vein where the chemo drugs can be administered. This will help from having to get an IV every time I get the chemo, and will save my veins since chemo has a tendency to ruin them. 

And next on the agenda comes Thursday at 2:15 p.m., and it is time for my first chemo treatment. This has been the longest process, but I am glad that they are taking every precaution possible. I am hoping for the very best with my chemo treatments, and only trying to think positively. 
I feel like I have been getting ready for war! The war my body will fight against cancer...where I plan on kicking it's butt and winning! :)

Chemo Class...

Today I had my "chemo class," which was basically what to expect with chemotherapy, and what the particular side effects are of the drugs that I will be taking, etc. I will be given 8 total treatments of chemo (over a period of about 4 months) of ABVD. It is the "A" (Adriamycin) part of this drug combo which causes hair loss. It was pretty informative, but I had already spent hours at Barnes and Nobles bookstore the last few days looking all of that stuff up, so had a fairly good idea already. 

 I was also told that I will be starting chemo next Thursday (March 17th), what a way to celebrate St. Patty's Day! lol. Last year I was hanging out with friends wearing a cute green wig and drinking green beer, this year I'll be celebrating with chemo? Weird how fast things change. I had to go to the Pharmacy to pick up all of my medications that will help with the sickness, etc. of the chemo...there were a total of 6 medications! I was not expecting so many, but am glad that I will hopefully be able to control some of the nausea and sick feeling with these meds. I was also told that I will have to have my blood drawn every time before I do chemo treatments (about 24-48 hours prior), I absolutely hate getting my blood drawn, but might as well get used to it. In between now and next Thursday is appointment after appointment. I will meet with my Radiologist tomorrow, have a heart scan on Saturday, bone marrow biopsy on Tuesday (yikes!), and sometime before Thursday and starting chemo, I am having a minor surgery to have a port put in under my skin. The port will be a better way to administer the chemo drugs instead of doing an IV every time. I will definitely be updating throughout my chemo treatments....which I am NOT looking forward to at all! 

I cut my hair shoulder length today (posted pics). I thought that it would be a good way to adjust to eventually having no hair. I actually really like it, it feels so healthy and light :) 

I decided to have my hair cut short to help get used to the idea :)

PET Scan...

I had my first PET Scan yesterday, which is similar to a CT Scan, but a little more detailed from what I understand. A CT Scan shows the anatomy of the enlarged lymph nodes, and the PET Scan shows more of the physiology (function). I had no idea what to expect with this test, I was a nervous wreck on the way to my appointment. My mom drove me, and I barely said two words to her, I felt sick to my stomach with worry that they might find something more with this test, etc. The test itself was not that bad, just such a long and time consuming process. 

I was told to "fast" (no food, only water) for 6 hours prior to the test (I was starving and shaky by the time of my appointment). My mom and I waited in a waiting room at Kaiser in Sacramento for about 30 minutes, then I was called and had to go alone, so my mom stayed in the waiting area. I walked outside of the building with the "Lab Tech." to basically a small trailer in the back of the hospital. I went into a very small room where they put in an IV and injected some sort of sugar, it felt really cold at the location of the IV in my arm. Then the Radiology Tech. comes in and puts some sort of "radioactive isotope" through the IV. I felt like it made me feel a little weird, but it could have just been my nerves, etc. They then shut me in this small room by myself, and dimmed the lights, where I sat on a cold plastic recliner chair and basically had to just sit and do nothing for 30 minutes. I asked if I could use my phone for text or internet, but was told NO :) It was just a weird experience overall, being in that little trailer, etc. It felt like the longest 30 minutes of my life!

After sitting for 30 minutes, they had me use the restroom, and then it was time to go through the machine (which was also in the same trailer) for another 30 minutes. So boring!! I had to lay perfectly still, with my arms crossed and placed directly above my head. The only part that wasn't too bad, was I could wear my regular comfy, warm clothes that I already had on since they had no metal on them. I felt pretty sick to my stomach after the test, maybe from the radioactive stuff they injected? But felt much better after drinking a ton of water and eating some food.


Now I just wait for these results, which from what I understand are not going to be too different from the CT Scan, they are just to kind of "compliment" the results of the CT Scan. One of the hardest parts of dealing with all of this, is the constant waiting in-between appointments. I am a "I want to know NOW!" kind of person, so it is so hard for me to "wait for this result" and "wait for this appointment," I just want to get this all done with so that I can resume my life normally again!

My first appointment with my Oncologist....

Today I had my first appointment with my Oncologist, Dr. Sardar, and he was such a warm and comforting person that I felt so much better instantly. I brought my mom and sister with me, along with a long list of questions. I was actually really nervous about this first appointment because I was worried that he was going to tell me it was worse than they had thought, etc, etc. But much to my relief, I actually left feeling very optimistic and ready to get going and started with treatment. The Oncologist confirmed with the final pathology report that I have Hodgkin's Lymphoma stage 2A and that the swollen lymph nodes are just in my upper chest area. He said that the cure rate is very high in my age group, it is about 95%. So out of 20 people, 1 would relapse. I will be starting chemotherapy in about 2-3 weeks. I will have to take a "chemo class" first, have a bone marrow biopsy, and then have a "port" put in my chest area so that I can receive the chemo drugs from that instead of being poked with a needle each time. I will be receiving a total of 8 chemotherapy treatments, which equal about 2 treatments a month, and then will be treated with radiation after, and I have no idea how much of that I receive or for how long? Another question to add to my list.  

This still all seems so unreal and unbelievable to me. I still feel like I am in a nightmare and cannot wake up. It was just last week that I was doing my normal school and work routine, and now I am talking about starting chemotherapy? Life can change so drastically in just one day. I have realized that I have to try and come to terms with the fact that this is my reality for right now and that I have to get through this and be able to move on from it, and continue forward with the future that I have always envisioned for myself. I think that it is so unfair for anybody to ever have to go through this, but I have made a promise to myself to try and remain as strong as I can, even if that means having an emotional cry fest breakdown once in a while (which I did yesterday, and actually felt so much better afterward).

The one thing that I want to address and kind of "vent" about is the fact that the first thing that some people have asked about is my freakin' hair! Really?!! Are we that shallow that we let the hair on our heads define who we are? Am I going to be a different person because I won't have hair for a while until I get better? Absolutely not!

I will definitely admit that I have been quite concerned/upset about that myself since I love having long hair and have worked very hard to get my hair to a longer length over the years with my hair vitamins, etc. but people who I do not even know very well have asked about my hair before asking any other questions about me having cancer. I just think that it's lame, and this blog is for me to be real and say exactly how I feel, so that is what I am doing! :)