5th Chemo down...

I now have 5 chemo treatments down...and 3 more to go....followed by some intense radiation therapy :( I am trying my best to stay positive and look to the finish line, but the chemo seems to just be getting harder on me. I had more of a delayed response with this last treatment. The gnarly side effects normally hit me the hardest on the Saturday after each chemo, this time it hit me bad on Sunday night and are still going. I absolutely HATE chemo! It is horrible and makes me feel so awful! I feel bad saying that in a way, because without it, my prognosis would not be good. But the thing about chemo that people looking from the outside don't realize is just how harsh it is on the body, and just how bad it makes a person feel. The most frustrating part is trying to communicate that to somebody else. There truly are no words to fully describe the extremity and complete disgustingness that chemo makes me feel. 

I seem to still be battling the same cold as last week, it seems better than it was, but I noticed last night that my sore throat and congestion are coming back again. I am REALLY hoping that my cold is not coming back...that was awful and it imposed on my "good week" that the chemo usually wears off and I would have gotten to do some "normal" things. 


All of this cancer stuff can really be mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausting on a person. Sometimes it seems like it is just too much to fully comprehend...or maybe that's just my "chemo brain?" I have been going through all of the motions to get better without really stopping and thinking about it too much...until recently, and to be honest, even though Hodgkin's is deemed the "good cancer," if there really is such a thing...it SCARES me to death. Mostly just the anxiety of future scans and other adverse reactions from the chemo and radiation. I am trying my best to just take it one day at a time and not over analyze everything like I tend to do so often...but that can be tough. 


For my friends and family who do not have facebook, here is a pic from the Susan G. Komen "Race for the Cure" walk that I did end up participating in, sick & all! Probably why I am still sick!! But it was worth it! Such a great cause and a fun event to be a part of. 

I will definitely be participating in many upcoming Lymphoma walks and races! I am already starting a page "Team Stephy" for the "Leukemia & Lymphoma Society Light the Night Walk" in October! I would love for all of my friends and family to participate with me! :)

Chemo + a yucky virus= NO bueno!

It has been one week post chemo, and usually this is when I would start feeling slightly better from all of the grueling side effects of chemo...but as my "fantastic" luck would have it, I am laying in bed fighting off some sort of flu or horrible cold. It is one thing to be sick, but mix that with the awful feeling that chemo leaves on you and that equals one horrible combo! 

The frustrating part is that I have been so careful not to get sick. I sanitize and wash my hands like a crazy person, and have been super cautious not to touch public doors, etc. I was warned to be extra careful during chemo since my white blood cell count is low, but what do they expect people to do, live in a bubble? There is only so much that I can do to protect myself from getting sick, unless I strictly stay confined in my house at all times...which is not reasonable. I am already spending so much time at home, I have no idea how I could have gotten sick in the first place! On the days that I am feeling more like "myself" (which is usually a week & a half after each chemo session) I normally throw on a wig...yes I am trying to be funny...and I attempt to get out of the house away from my bed that I lay in so often watching t.v. and reading, and just run an errand, have lunch or dinner with my sister or boyfriend, or meet a friend for coffee. My energy level has dropped drastically, and I can't do too much without getting completely wiped out, but I like to take advantage of the times that I am feeling well enough to get out for at least a little bit. I have found out the hard way that I have to be careful not to "overdo" it. A few times I have run a few too many errands and ended up feeling so weak and tired that I have had to sit down right in the middle of an aisle at a store...stupid fatigue. 

My Oncologist has called in an antibiotic for me and I was told to take TheraFlu along with that...I am really hoping that helps with this darn cold or flu that I have since I am supposed to be walking in the Susan G. Komen walk on Saturday, and I am very determined to go...even if my sister has to wheel me in a wheelchair for those 3 miles! :)

I am so fortunate to have such a wonderful family that has helped me so much through all of this...especially my mom. I honestly do not know how I would be able to deal with this situation without her. The rest of my family has been so great as well...but you just can't replace the comfort of your mother. She comes to all of my appointments with me, offers to cook me whatever it is that I am craving, is always there for me to cry on when I am having a "bad" day and feeling emotionally drained from this whole situation, and she still sleeps next to me for the first couple of nights after every chemo treatment to check my breathing and temperature, and make sure that I am basically still alive...lol. She has taken such great care of me through all of this...and I am so thankful for her. I really do not know how anybody can get through this kind of sickness without having a mother just like her...she's the best!

4th chemo down...halfway done!

I had my 4th chemo treatment on Thursday April 28th. This was not only my grandmother's birthday, but also the 11 year anniversary of her death from cancer... I found it ironic that although a different cancer entirely, that my 4th chemo treatment fell on the same day as her birthday and the day that she passed away from having cancer. 

I am now halfway finished, and although I am so happy to be at the halfway point, I am still dreading what lays ahead. It is not easy to go through any of this at all, it is so rough on your body. Along with my cancerous cells, my "healthy" cells are also being destroyed, and I could really feel that after my 3rd treatment and even more after this 4th one.

When asked how I feel, the best and most simple way to explain is just "yucky" or "gross." I don't feel like my body even belongs to me, it's like I have no control over all of the side effects that I feel from the chemo drugs, yet all I can do is just sit and watch/feel them happen. Again with this last treatment, I have experienced a painfully burning esophagus and the coloring of my skin (especially my face) looks darker...but not a flattering "tan" kind of darker, but a scary looking unhealthy color. My hands are still tingly, and I feel nauseous a lot...but am thankful for Zofran, which has the nausea pretty well controlled. I feel really achy and sore, almost like I have a really bad flu...it is just a horrible feeling, and it sucks that there is no way to avoid it if I want to get better.

I had my first follow-up appointment with my Oncologist a couple of weeks ago since starting chemo, and I was a little disappointed to find out that I will not be scanned until after finishing all 8 of my chemo treatments. I was expecting a PetScan at least halfway through to check the "progress" and make sure everything is being destroyed (or hopefully gone at this point) as it should be, but I guess I will have to wait until after all 8 treatments are finished to find that out. 

So many people have asked how I am able to stay so positive through all of this, and really it is only because of all of the wonderful support and encouragement I have received from family, friends, my boyfriend Garrett & his family, co-workers, neighbors, my Doctor, strangers, and other people I have met who are going through the same thing as me or have already been through it and are now in remission...who inspire me and have showed me that life does go on after all of this is over. Without all of these people in my life, I do not think that I would be so "positive" about everything. So thank you so much to all of you! I appreciate all of the love and support that I have received as I go through this very scary and difficult journey.