4th chemo down...halfway done!

I had my 4th chemo treatment on Thursday April 28th. This was not only my grandmother's birthday, but also the 11 year anniversary of her death from cancer... I found it ironic that although a different cancer entirely, that my 4th chemo treatment fell on the same day as her birthday and the day that she passed away from having cancer. 

I am now halfway finished, and although I am so happy to be at the halfway point, I am still dreading what lays ahead. It is not easy to go through any of this at all, it is so rough on your body. Along with my cancerous cells, my "healthy" cells are also being destroyed, and I could really feel that after my 3rd treatment and even more after this 4th one.

When asked how I feel, the best and most simple way to explain is just "yucky" or "gross." I don't feel like my body even belongs to me, it's like I have no control over all of the side effects that I feel from the chemo drugs, yet all I can do is just sit and watch/feel them happen. Again with this last treatment, I have experienced a painfully burning esophagus and the coloring of my skin (especially my face) looks darker...but not a flattering "tan" kind of darker, but a scary looking unhealthy color. My hands are still tingly, and I feel nauseous a lot...but am thankful for Zofran, which has the nausea pretty well controlled. I feel really achy and sore, almost like I have a really bad flu...it is just a horrible feeling, and it sucks that there is no way to avoid it if I want to get better.

I had my first follow-up appointment with my Oncologist a couple of weeks ago since starting chemo, and I was a little disappointed to find out that I will not be scanned until after finishing all 8 of my chemo treatments. I was expecting a PetScan at least halfway through to check the "progress" and make sure everything is being destroyed (or hopefully gone at this point) as it should be, but I guess I will have to wait until after all 8 treatments are finished to find that out. 

So many people have asked how I am able to stay so positive through all of this, and really it is only because of all of the wonderful support and encouragement I have received from family, friends, my boyfriend Garrett & his family, co-workers, neighbors, my Doctor, strangers, and other people I have met who are going through the same thing as me or have already been through it and are now in remission...who inspire me and have showed me that life does go on after all of this is over. Without all of these people in my life, I do not think that I would be so "positive" about everything. So thank you so much to all of you! I appreciate all of the love and support that I have received as I go through this very scary and difficult journey.