Okay....maybe I spoke too soon in my last post, because although radiation may not be
that bad compared to chemo, it is not very easy either. I finished my second week of radiation yesterday...10 down, 7 to go! My chest is still really red and hot to touch like a sunburn, and for some reason my skin just feels extremely itchy. Not even the area that's being radiated, but other areas of my body...weird. Starting on Wednesday (after 8 treatments), my esophagus started to feel very raw and tender. It's uncomfortable to swallow, and I can feel the tenderness when I speak or even stand up from laying down. It feels like I swallowed a popsicle stick. Maybe I just have a sucky esophagus, because although it is a different pain this time, I had problems with my esophagus during chemo as well. I've also been extremely tired...not the kind of tired where I can take a nap and feel better, but that fatigue feeling that makes my whole body feel weak and exhausted. I'm sure that my body is still healing from all of the damaging effects of the chemo, and some of the crappiness I feel is probably still lingering from that.
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| Great quote that I came across |
It is so weird to think that "I am a cancer survivor" or "in remission," maybe because I don't really feel like I am. It just doesn't feel "permanent" yet. I'm not finished with radiation, and the thought of the cancer coming back terrifies me...I feel like it can come back at any time, so am almost scared to acknowledge that I have kicked it's ass in fear that it will come back as soon as I start proudly saying that I am a Hodgkin's Lymphoma
Survivor. If I pay too much attention to it, I'm scared it will come back. It feels like my remission is just temporary. That's just crazy thinking...trust me, I know! But after going through what I have...you would have crazy thoughts as well. I'm just wondering when I will actually feel "like a survivor?" After 5 years of being in remission, a person is considered "cured." I know that I will always have this worry about cancer coming back...but I just need to find a way to manage that fear and get it under control.
Hang in there Steph! You're sooooo close!!!!
ReplyDelete~ Ashley
These feelings of fear we have are normal as human beings but Steph lean on Christ during this time and remember this scripture because it will empower you. You see, it's not really the cancer's butt you have to kick when its gone-it is the FEAR, and fear can be very dangerous. Here is the scripture please memorize it: God has not given me a spirit of fear but of Power, Love, and a Sound mind. (It really is a spirit by the way- a dirty, evil, nasty one.) The normal cautious feelings we have towards danger is not what I'm talking about but the one I'm refering to here is the one that torments, leaves our gut sick, and paralyzes us to feelings of failure. This is the one. Keeping you in my prayers and love you much! Aunt Kim
ReplyDeleteSteph!! Isn't tomorrow your last day???? Woot!!!!
ReplyDelete~ Ash